Tomorrow, my son starts his first true "school" experience. Yes, it's just a 6-week summer program, but it's still school. There's a teacher, other classmates, etc. I'm supposed to get a call from his teacher today, to let me know what to send with him tomorrow. Seems like they provide pretty much everything he needs, but I do have to send diapers, and some extra clothes for just in case. They have washers/dryers there to wash clothes if necessary, which seems convenient. They sure never had that when I was in school!

I'm a nervous wreck about it. And moreso the fact that his school is like 5 minutes down the road, but I have to drive to get him there- too far to walk. And so that means (being we're a one-car household) I have to drive David to work in the mornings, the three days a week Matthew has his class. I really try to avoid driving on the "highways" around here, if I can help it. But now I'm being thrown into it. I'm having to step out of my comfort zone in some major ways this summer. Argh. Yesterday we took a dry run to David's work, so I could time it, etc. For the most part, it's not that bad. I think about 15-20 minutes of it is a straight shot on the highway. But then he's going all these wierd backwoods ways from the offramp to his office, and I'm like WTF?! I told him he'd better write it all down, or I'm screwed. I don't need to get lost finding my way back to the highway, to get Matthew to class on time. (Matthew's school does offer bussing, but we were not comfortable with the idea of our 2 1/2 yr old riding the bus by himself. Call me crazy, but I'm not even ready for Lauren to do that).

I've been really frustrated the last couple of weeks. David is always working. Even at home, he's working. And when he's not working, he's still on the computer. So it seems like I'm the only one dealing with the kids half of (ok, way more than half of) the time. I feel like there's no real support as far as Matthew is concerned, either. After a conversation with David at a restaurant a couple weekends ago, I was beyond irritated and was ready to be like "fuck it!" as far as all this therapy and whatever is concerned. If he thinks it's all worthless, shouldn't I? David is so wrapped up in this idea that his kid is just your typical 2 1/2 yr old boy, and he doesn't want to slap labels on him. And that none of the therapists have done a damn thing for Matthew- it's all me (really, a back-handed compliment, if you ask me). And apparently I'm just eating up whatever these people say to me and take it as gold. He thinks these people are being paid to tell me that our son has a "problem", or else they could lose their funding. It's all beyond maddening. All I know is I'm the only one (as far as I can tell) who wants to get some peace in my house, and figure out why Matthew has the issues he's having. And then deal with them. But that means first I have to learn about his issues, try to work with him, get him to figure out ways to self-soothe, etc. (And doesn't that really mean you have to put a label on the problem to begin to deal with it? Apparently not from David's way of looking at things). It's really difficult when the one person you're supposed to be able to communicate with about these kinds of things (your children, for one), is *not* on the same page.