So.. it's been 20 days? No, not still sulking over the Croc Hunter.

I did find out that my MRI and most recent batch of blood work found nothing any more significant that I was born with some deformed bones in my lower spine- which should have no impact on my life whatsoever, until I reach old age (and start to suffer from arthritis). Lovely. So yet another dead end when it comes to the question "what is wrong with me?!" The Neurologist wouldn't even diagnose me with Fibromyalgia (which is what half of my dad's side of the family seems to have- or at least paid $400 to be told they have), and she said that would be taking the easy way out. Not to mention the fact I don't even *quite* fit that diagnosis. So.. back to square one. She did put me on a low dose of Topamax (typically used for migraines), to cut down on my almost daily headaches. Supposedly it can help lower the amount of nerve pain, too. We'll see.

Matthew is doing well. (His "expressive speech" is improving greatly, although still having issues with "receptive speech"). I suppose some moms go nuts after they hear that their kids have been diagnosed with Autism (even mild, high-functioning Autism), and suddenly their families are turned upside down with dietary changes, etc. We haven't done anything like that. Thus far, I've checked out one book at the library, attended one class at his school (specific to the needs of Autistic children in terms of communication issues), and tried to set up an appointment at Children's Hospital (at their Autism Clinic) to determine if there is anything going on with him medically that might be affecting him as well- like chromosome disorders, etc. And that's it. I did start the process in terms of getting a service coordinator for him, from the county, but nothing yet in terms of financial aid. Maybe because it's overwhelming if I start to think about it, maybe because I don't see an urgency there yet (he's only 3), maybe because none of this is all that surprising- he's been showing delays in some areas for quite some time. Maybe all of that means that in my own way, I'm somehow in denial? Because I'm not going nuts? I don't know. I got an email from my aunt (whose son has Autism), and she can't believe I'm not a blubbering idiot. Maybe watching what she had to deal with (or at least hearing about it) helped me to somehow prepare?

On top of that, my daughter is becoming quite the handful. She's currently on a waiting list for the peer program at Matthew's school. I doubt she'll get in before the end of the school year (and Kindergarden round-up is in March), but anyway. So she gets to spend some time alone with me while he's in class. I recently found out that our local library has story time at 10 am on Tuesdays, so we started going last week. She is extremely social! So while it might take her a minute to warm up to the idea of dancing in the front of the room with the other boys and girls during song time, she has no problem grabbing a girl's hand, and asking if she wants to be her friend. LOL Unfortunately, last week it so happened that she wanted to ask this particular girl what her name was. She went up to the girl twice to ask her, and I guess both of the times the mom was like "we have to go", and so she didn't get her name. Lauren came running back to me crying and very upset, thinking the girl and the mom didn't like her. I found the mom (who had said they had to go) sitting over at some computers, checking her email). I swear I want to punch people like that. I'm a shy person myself, and ok.. maybe you don't want your kid to interact too much, and somehow get yourself invited to another person's house for a play date (the idea freaks me out, quite frankly). But what is the big fucking deal, telling a 4 girl old girl what your daughter's name is?! UGH!

She's cracking me up, though. She is constantly telling me what the speed limit is. She's also singing along to "Hit me with your best shot" (and most recently, "I shot the sheriff" LOL!). She loves Shania Twain. But she's also getting very jealous (of Matthew), and telling me she wants to get rid of him. Sigh.. She keeps asking about getting a sister. A twin sister. Obviously there's no twin hiding somewhere. And I'm not sending David back to get his "operation" reversed. (Maybe if we were doing better, and Matthew wasn't such a handful, I might consider it). The kid's a nut. They're all nuts. They wonder why I need drugs.