I don't know why, but I keep having these dreams where I yell at D (or physically attack him) because he's put Lauren's life in danger. Last night the dream involved screwdriver bits (he's got a screwdriver that you can put several different "heads" into). I was helping someone install a bathtub, and Lauren was up on the couch grabbing bits and putting them into her mouth. I kept yelling at D to come get her (because I couldn't stop what I was doing), and he just stood there like an idiot. Finally I had to fish the bit out myself, and I wasn't happy about it. Then later in the dream we got into a huge fight about his parenting skills.

I haven't told D about these dreams, because I know how he'd feel. I also know he'd say that I don't trust him to be with his own child. I feel perfectly fine leaving her alone in his care. Honestly. I think I just get so paranoid that something is going to happen to her- probably even more so with my watching her, than with him. I worry about things happening to her that probably wouldn't in a million years (like her falling off a balcony- that's a big one). But really- D is a good parent. And Lauren has warmed up to him so much in the last several months (before, all she wanted was mommy!). She sits in his lap and cuddles with him, wants to hug him before he leaves for work, etc.. it really makes me happy how they're bonding. :)

I guess maybe in my dreams I'm directing my paranoia onto him- making me the good guy, and him the bad guy.. In other words, if something were to happen to her, it would be all his fault. I guess. I can't really explain it, otherwise. Unless of course there really is a lack of trust on my part.. but I think it would be with anybody watching Lauren. Not just him.