Do you ever find yourself getting caught up in other people's problems? I mean.. you get bad news, or your friend gives you the dish on his/her marital problems, etc.. and sure. You care about them, and you're there for them as best you can be. But do you ever find yourself getting too emotionally involved? I don't even mean that you are in their faces about it, but.. you start obsessing about their problems?

I have a friend who (last I heard) was ending her marriage. It probably wasn't ever a truly great marriage (at least from everything she told me), but nevertheless, they made a beautiful child together. They found themselves struggling- emotionally, financially, and so on. And probably well beyond their "sell by" date, she finally told him she was done. I don't think it's ever easy to end a marriage- and when you have a child, it's probably a nightmare. It sounds as though they made their ending pretty cut and dry, though. The plans were for her to move into her own apartment, and for him to take their progeny (in the beginnings of puberty) literally half-way around the world, for him to advance his career. She's fine with this. Claims to have never given the arrangement a second thought.

What do you say to a friend going through this? Smile, nod your head, pat them on the back? Or perhaps find a way to suggest that she and her soon-to-be ex consider their kid's feelings, and not to throw that child's world into complete and utter chaos?

I haven't spoken with my friend since I got her email telling me this news. She's never been good with communication to begin with, and I doubt she can afford internet living on her own. But I have to wonder if she actually gave things a second thought? She needs time to get her "stuff" figured out. I get that. It's understandable. But she's in her early 30's, her child is nearly a teenager.. is this really the time to decide you can't be a mom? Is this the time to throw a divorce, HUGE move across the ocean, and all these crazy life changes (puberty), onto a poor child who probably wonders why the hell their mom is basically giving up on them? I don't get it. I don't think I ever will. I think it's irresponsible, I think it's totally selfish, and I just can't believe she never gave it a second thought. (And as she said herself, neither can anybody else she told the news to).

I don't sit and dwell on this all the time. Thankfully I do have a life of my own. But I couldn't stop thinking about it when I first found out. I guess it was just truly shocking information, which my poor brain couldn't process. I still can't, really. I want to be a good (supportive) friend, but this is a tough one.